How to Make It Halāl: Getting to the Meat of a Muslim Romance 

Halāl is not a term only applied to meat. Ḥalāl means “permissible,” and that ruling extends to the lawfulness of an action within two realms of worship. Those two realms are ʿubudiyyah (relating to ritual worship) or ʿamaliyyah (not related to ritual worship). ʿAmaliyyah includes the more social aspects of Islam, such as business conduct, work etiquette, and even things like romance. As with many other matters, there are gray areas along with guidelines, which can lead to the questions, asked by both Muslims and non-Muslims like “Are all marriages arranged? Are Muslims allowed to fall in love?” and “Can Muslims write or even read romance?”

This short shall address some of the fiqh (jurisprudence) relating to romance in the Muslim mindset for writers and readers of fiction, but also, highlight the flexibility within it. Huda Fahmy’s That Can Be Arranged gives us an insight of how she proceeded with her marriage in a ḥalāl way.

For Muslims, marriage is understood as another act of worship; one that should bring closeness to Allah ﷻ. There are Qur’anic verses that detail what kind of person is permissible for a Muslim man to marry, like other Muslims, Jews, or Christians, (2:221, 4:22-25), and verses that also mandate that a mahr. Beautifully, the Quran also mentions a prayer to ask for marriage (25:74), as well as an invocation that implores people, their spouses, and their children to enter Jannah (Heaven) (40:8). Marriage is even described as a proof of God: “And from His signs is that He created spouses for you, from among yourselves, so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed compassion and mercy between you. Surely, in this, are signs for people who reflect.” (30:21)

The Prophet ﷺ said many things regarding marriage, such as: “Marriage is part of my sunnah…”¹, meaning, it is an action that the Prophet ﷺ took part in. He also facilitated marriage for some and highly encouraged it for others. In another ḥadīth, he said: “Whoever Allah provides with a righteous spouse, Allah has assisted him in half of his religion. Let him be conscious of Allah regarding the second half.”² His wife Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) tells us that he raced with her as a show of quality time,³ and even drank from the same cup she had⁴ while they were married.

Everyone can have their preferences for a relationship—with the emphasized priority being one’s relationship to God, and not temporary things like physical appearance, wealth, or status.⁵ The Prophet ﷺ himself married different kinds of women; not only who differed in their physical makeup, but their emotional temperaments.

Now that we know how revered marriage is in the Islamic tradition, we can hopefully appreciate the care that Muslims put into navigating it. “Dating” is better termed “courting,” as two Muslims presumably pursue relationships only for the sake of a longer-term one and within the confines of Islamically-mandated boundaries. It’s necessary, then, that Muslims write and read fictional romances to better reflect the reality of what a romance should look like outside of the pages. The research shows that media empires like Disney often warp our perceptions of romance and gender.⁶ Similarly could be said for Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, and others. Even non-Muslims are in the market for halal romance—so many viewers balk at uncalled-for scenes of intimacy, and flock towards  movies like Pride and Prejudice. So we see that halāl romances aren’t just a way that we can abide by our deen, but invite others to it. 

Huda Fahmy, the author of That Can Be Arranged: A Muslim Love Story, detailed “The Rules” in a much funnier way than many writers do. On page 25 of her book, a scroll humorously lists in antique cursive script: “When dealing with a person of the opposite gender who is not your father, uncle, grandfather, brother, son, husband, father-in-law, or step-father, there is to be no hugging, touching, staring, joking.” Just a few pages later, as she holds the scroll that seems to go on forever, she says, “No dating? I guess I was gonna die alone.”⁷

However, the graphic novel goes on to show that Fahmy does end up getting married. Fahmy’s mother chaperoned her with suitors, and her younger sister even read the emails between Gehad, her now-husband, and herself. She also drew comparisons with herself and the characters of “Jane bint Austen” (“bint” meaning “daughter of;” a way for Fahmy to Arabicize the author’s name) novels. Similar to Muslims, even the touch of hands had to be hard-earned.

But it isn’t the case across all Muslim literature. Zainab bint Younus, editor and book reviewer, commented on another modern Muslim romance: Uzma Jalaluddin’s Much Ado about Nada. After granting it 4 stars, she said: “Halalness rating…not super halal but not haraami either…men and women casually hanging out together, occasional physical touches, Muslim girls/ women openly swooning over the dude musicians at the concert at the Muslim convention. […] Some very cute scenes and squeal-inducing moments (nothing explicit haraami!).”

Younus’ comment touches on the gray area mentioned before. Fahmy’s sister, for example, felt that emoji was too much to use when getting to know someone, and their mother felt that she always needed to be present when her daughter and suitors met in person.

As a Muslim women also navigating this arena, there are many opinions that clarify these rulings in our context. Some believe that a chaperone is not required, but rather recommended. Other measures can be taken for a lady well. Being in a public area, and not left alone, prevents both parties from partaking in khalwa (solitude), which is forbidden for two unmarried people of the opposite gender.

There are additional nuances involved as well—if a Muslim woman and Muslim man are co-workers, and are in an open office, this would be considered permissible, as it’s done for the purpose of work. For the purpose of marriage, it’s similar. Talking via message and participating in calls and video chats is also permissible, so long as the end goal is either marriage or respectful parting. However, things like sending emoji and pictures are left to personal tact and comfort.

So, how does a writer reconcile this? Should works like Much Ado About Nada be completely discounted? The answer is—not necessarily. Perhaps it was Jalaluddin’s intent to highlight the plight of less practicing Muslims, albeit ones who were still a part of the faith, to give Nada inner conflict about what route she was to take in her own pursuit of marriage.

Some Muslim apps even market themselves with words like “ḥalāl dating,” with the intention of that definition to mean “courting.” “Muzmatch” (now “Muzz”) and “Minder” (now “Salams”) are just a few examples. Others still employ more conservative naming conventions, like “Half Our Deen” (a reference to the ḥadīth earlier; where “deen” means “religion”) and “Mawaddah Matrimony” (mawaddah being the word used in Quran 30:21).

This is not to suggest that every Muslim character must choose between sending smiley faces and whether their parents be invited to every DM. However, the most treasured plots for many Muslim readers often show that characters in a romance, especially a woman, chooses a more careful approach in the end—as attaining the love of God is a more preferable goal than that of a man’s. Historically, many women of all faiths (or none) have whittled themselves away to fit a certain partner’s preference. Fahmy acknowledges that it was difficult to commit to “The Rules,” but in the end—at her happy ending, even!—she admits it was all worth it.

And the most successful Muslim romance novels are ones that admit this—that in sticking to one’s Islamic ground, a truly ḥalāl romance can blossom. S.K. Ali’s Love from A to Z is another example. Two unapologetic Muslims fall for one another, despite coming from different racial and cultural backgrounds. It’s a testament to the verse: “O humanity! Indeed, We created you from a male and a female, and made you into peoples and tribes so that you may ˹get to˺ know one another. Surely the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous among you. Allah is truly All-Knowing, All-Aware” (Surah al-Hujurat, verse 13).

Works like Salaam, with Love by Sara Sharaf Beg came close. Many Muslim readers commented on their discomfort with comparing the recitation of Qur’an in the book to music.

“Many popular Muslim writers who are given a voice either accept a form of conformity, or work towards creating the image of the acceptable Muslim, or portray conservative Muslims as fundamentalists and thus align themselves with stereotypes,” Rana El-Badry writes.⁸ We see this in TV all the time—sisters whose hijabs dramatically fly off, brothers who justify extramarital relations—why in literature too, and especially towards a Muslim audience? The advent of Muslim publishing houses like Ruqayya’s Bookshelf, Salaam Reads, Little Hibba, and Daybreak Press makes it easier for us not only to be published, but to be proud of our tradition.

Religion, like many things, is a spectrum. Just as there are Muslims on a variety of practice and beliefs, it is my hope that this essay provided a general code as a compass for those looking to write about Muslims looking for love.

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1. Sunan Ibn Majah 1846 [↩]
2. Al-Mu’jam al-Awsaṭ 992 [↩]
3. Sunan Abi Dawud 2578 [↩]
4. Sunan an-Nasa’i 279 [↩]
5. Sahih al-Bukhari 5090 [↩]
6. Tonn, Theresa. “Disney’s Influence on Females Perception of Gender and Love.” https://www2.uwstout.edu/content/lib/thesis/2008/2008tonnt.pdf (University of Wisconsin Stout, 2008) [↩]
7. Fahmy, Huda. That Can Be Arranged: A Muslim Love Story. Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2020. [↩]
8. El-Badry, Rana. “How We Represent Ourselves: Where Islamic Fiction Thrives and Struggles.” https://www.bahath.co/how-we-represent Bahath. [↩]